Calling bullshit on myself
Today, I called out some behaviour that wasn’t making me happy. But it wasn’t anyone else’s, it was mine. Below, I’m going to explain why this is one of my super-powers and how it could benefit your life.
If you have been reading along with me over on Facebook and Instagram, you’ll know I’ve been having a tough few weeks. We’ve had some typical spring weather with lots of wind, which has disrupted my sleep (you’ve of course read this post and know I have a very high sleep requirement!), and generally everything has felt difficult. Not impossible, and not in a grand, epic, Lord of the Rings kinda way, more like walking through mud. Slow, with low-level but constant pressure that eventually wears away at you. Not life threatening, just frustrating. It had started to get me down. At first, it was just some to-be-expected sleep deprived blues, but over time, every little thing was frustrating. Extra noise on a bus, a fly buzzing past my head, even hearing R swallow. I began to get frustrated at anything and everything, and felt angry more than I’d like.
Of course, this gets cyclic very quickly – lack of sleep makes you grumpy and stressed, which upsets your gut (maybe even encouraging some less than ideal food choices), and then contributes to bad sleep and on and on. I started getting so tired I’d crash as soon as I got home, leaving household chores to R, and haven’t felt like I wanted to exercise for weeks, despite the delightful things it does for my mood, confidence and sleep patterns. The worst part was what was going on in my head. While a lot of people, in bad times, create negative self talk about themselves in their head killing any kind of motivation, positivity and enthusiasm, I tend to get frustrated at other people. Over time, this meant I was expecting (and therefore finding) the worst in every interaction with other people I had. This of course has an added layer in it for me – as an introvert my interactions with others are already not my most energising past time, and the bad place I’d got into in my head made it that much more difficult. It felt like the ‘old’ me. The one from a little while ago who became easily frustrated by the world around her, who doubted and judged and secretly disliked what she observed and who she met. Not a very nice person.
So this morning after talking to a friend, and reading my words as I typed them, I got pretty shitty at myself. I called myself out on my crap. “This isn’t who you want to be. You can choose to be different, you have for over a year, so now you’re going to choose not to be caught up in these stories and the ugliness. You’re better than this, you know it, so just do it!”. I became my own hard-arsed motivational coach (btw, I can be yours too!), because I need that kind of talking to every now and again. Once it became pretty obvious I’d become someone I didn’t want to be, and I’d admitted that to myself (the key step here folks), it became pretty darn easy to decide and to be different.
Your behaviour and thoughts are the only person’s you can control.
The missing link for a lot of people is being able to recognise their own thought and behaviour patterns, as well as admitting they could be due for a change then doing the work. I got to this point by nurturing my intuition. Intuitive thinking isn’t just for those super bendy yogis or the Woodstock generation. In all honesty, its the key to making your best decisions and loving them. Knowing what you really need, deep down, being able to understand what your body is telling you and feeling confident in following your hunches is how I was able to see, from the outside, that I’d started to slip into old patterns of whinging instead of doing. And how going hard-arse on myself in felt motivational, not mean. I’ve become more confident in trusting my intuition through meditation (but you knew I was going to say that, right?), getting physical through exercise and, shock horror, by trusting my intuition! Its just like motivation or your thighs – it becomes stronger and more reliable with use.
I’d love to hear from you. Comment below and tell me if you could do with developing this super-power, or if you have used it in the past!